Now that I’m almost 30, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my early 20s. It was a time filled with pressure—to succeed, to find love, to look a certain way, to have it all figured out. I remember feeling like I had to constantly prove something: that I was put together, capable, and ahead of the game.
But behind all of that effort, I was often confused, overwhelmed, and incredibly hard on myself. If I could go back and whisper a few things to that younger version of me, here’s what I would say:
1. You Don’t Have to Earn Rest
One thing I would’ve killed to know in my early 20s is that rest isn’t a reward for burnout. I used to hear a lot of “You’re too young to be tired” or “You don’t know what tired is yet.” which is just not the case. If anything I was killing myself to make ends meet. I was working as many 12 hour shifts that I could pick up. I was at one point working 2-3 16 hour shifts on the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday just to make sure I had enough money to live and be a functional human. I think one thing that people forget when they get older is that starting from scratch requires so much time and energy.
Therefore, on my days off I just wanted to relax but felt so guilty. Like I should be doing something productive. I would clean my small duplex we were living in at that time, cook/meal prep, study, and still try to do social things so I could still juggle all of those relationships and please everyone. It was exhausting.
You don’t have to collapse before it becomes okay to slow down. You are allowed to rest simply because you are tired. You don’t need to justify it. Your body and mind deserve care, even when your to-do list is still long. Take the time you need!
2. Being Liked by Everyone Isn’t the Goal
I spent so much time trying to be the person I thought others would like. I changed myself to fit into rooms that weren’t meant for me. I wish I had known sooner that being myself—fully, openly, and honestly—was enough. The right people will see your light without you having to dim or reshape it.
Especially in your 20s you are finding out who you are, exploring the world without your parents being right there for every decision. It’s exciting and knowing that I wasted some of that self-exploration time due to other peoples opinions is one of the biggest regrets that I’ve discovered during this journey.
3. You’re Allowed to Say No
No is a full sentence. Setting boundaries isn’t mean or dramatic—it’s necessary. You don’t owe anyone access to you just because they want it. The people who love you will respect your space, not punish you for protecting it.
The people who are upset about you setting healthy boundaries are the people who benefitted from consistently crossing it. Their lacking of the ability to adapt has no reflection on you.
4. Your Body Is Not the Problem
My relationship with my body has been complicated, especially navigating PCOS. I wish I could go back and tell myself that my body is not broken. It may look or feel different, but it’s still worthy of kindness, comfort, and joy.
I gained weight pretty rapidly due to my PCOS and to be honest there was a time when I hated my body for existing. Sadly, I used to fantasize about what it would be like if I was to every get sick or something just so I could lose weight which is so messed up. I would wear jeans in the summer time, I wouldn’t wear bathing suits or skip out on pool days, I would put off traveling because I felt so bad about myself. I was punishing myself for no other reason than existing in the way that I am.
Whether you struggle with weight, or appearance, or any other physical aspect of your body I need you to know that you deserve the same experiences as everyone else. You deserve to have fun. You deserve to exist and take up space. You deserve to wear whatever the fuck you want to wear. Everybody will have something they don’t like about themselves so even if someone is judging just know its probably coming from self hatred rather than actually caring about what you are doing with your body. Love yourself for who you are and thank your body for carrying you this far in life.
5. Healing Isn’t Linear
There were so many times I thought I was “back to square one” just because I had a bad day. But healing doesn’t work like that. It loops, pauses, and surprises you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Hell, I’m supposed to be making these blog posts 4 times a week but I skipped like 2-3 months because I was having so many mental health issues. It happens.
The best advice I can give anyone struggling with healing is to try and talk to a therapist if you have access to one. If not, try to go to the library and check out books related to what you are working on. There are so many good content creators that focus on self improvement as well. The only warning I give is to always consider someone’s credentials and experience and not to fall for any overly cult-like bullshit. Unfortunately there is a lot of money behind self help and it gives good people a platform but also bad people as well who prey on vulnerabilities. Just be cautious.
6. You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out
Your 20s are not a race to the finish line. You are allowed to change your mind, try new things, make mistakes, and start over. Life isn’t a checklist. It’s a series of seasons, and you are allowed to move through them at your own pace. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF FAILING!!! This is literally why I started this blog now. I’ve been wanting to do something like this for years but was afraid of failing or looking stupid or being too cringey. I still care sometimes about that but I’m pushing through it because I’m not letting fear control me anymore.
I wish I had learned all of this sooner, but maybe that’s okay. Maybe we’re supposed to grow into these truths over time. If you’re in your 20s now and feeling lost, confused, or not “enough,” I promise you’re not alone.
And if you’re nearing 30 like me, and still learning these lessons—you’re right on time.
What’s something you wish you had learned earlier? Let’s talk in the comments.
Leave a Reply