For as long as I can remember, I carried around the quiet, aching belief that I needed to be more to be liked. More outgoing. More fun. More attractive. I thought if I could just be a little funnier, a little skinnier, a little more interesting—then I’d finally fit in. I’d finally feel worthy.
But no matter how hard I tried, that sense of “enough-ness” never came.
The Pain of Feeling Left Out
I know what it feels like to be the afterthought in a group text. To scroll social media and see plans that didn’t include me. To sit in a room full of people and feel like I was on the outside looking in. It’s a lonely, hollow ache—and it often convinced me that I just wasn’t doing enough to be lovable.
So I tried to overcompensate. I laughed louder. Or got quieter. I shrank myself physically and emotionally. I tried to mold into what I thought people wanted. And still, I felt invisible. Fun outings seemed to not be fun. I overanalyzed everyone’s reactions to what I was saying or doing. It was exhausting! Worst of all I forgot about being myself. “Who am I?” started being a consistent thought and it made me start to dislike myself.
The Truth That Changed Everything
Somewhere along the way, through journaling, self-reflection, and a lot of unlearning, I realized something important: you don’t have to be liked by everyone to be worthy of love.
You don’t need to earn it by being someone you’re not. You don’t have to chase approval or validation. You don’t have to make yourself smaller, quieter, prettier, cooler.
You are already enough.
And I know that sounds simple, maybe even cliche. But when you’ve spent your whole life believing otherwise, it’s a revolutionary thought.
There Is Someone Who Will Love the Real You
Here’s the thing: no matter who you are, there will always be people who don’t “get” you. Who don’t see your magic. That’s okay. Let them go. When I finally started doing this and really practicing letting people go. I had a huge realization that I actually didn’t even like the people I felt left out from. They weren’t MY people. They were different and that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to be like you. And that’s a good thing. If everyone was the same it would be so boring. There are even family members who I love but just aren’t necessarily my people. And I’m not theirs and that’s OKAY!
Because for every person who doesn’t see your worth, there is someone out there who will love the exact way your laugh sounds. Who thinks your quirks are endearing. Who feels seen when you speak your truth. Who doesn’t want a filtered version of you. A person who accepts your flaws and and will sometimes see those “flaws” as strengths.
You don’t have to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. You just have to be yourself.
Loving Yourself First
The more I began to show up as me, the more peace I found. I stopped trying to win people over. I stopped watering myself down. And something beautiful happened: I started attracting the right people.
People who celebrated me, not just tolerated me. People who I laugh with, cry with, can be my true authentic self. People who see my side of things or challenges me to be the best version of myself. People who I feel safe with.
This past Christmas was the best Christmas I have ever had. Not because of a huge number of presents or anything but because the stuff that was bought for me made me feel so seen and so loved and cared for. People were listening to my interest and took notes enough to give me something I LOVED. Those people are my people. I’m finally seen for being me. Just me.
And it all started with me deciding that I was worthy of love, just as I am.
So if you’re feeling left out, if you’re wondering if you need to change who you are to be loved—please hear me: you don’t.
You are already enough. You are already lovable. You are already worthy.
Exactly as you are.
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