Holy shit! I’ve finally done it. I created a website to blog on. I’ve been wanting to do this for over 4 years now and I actually did it. It’s minimal right now and not super interesting to look at but its a new skill I’m looking forward to honing in on. I guess that’s kind of the point of this personal growth experiment I’m doing. To start doing the things I want to try without the expectation of failure. I’ve done quite a bit on this site within the last week. It feels good to dedicate time and energy to something again.
This website is truly an experiment. It is something that I thought of to document the process of what I’m going to be doing for at least the next year. If I don’t like it after that, I’ll shut it down and call it a day. Hopefully, that’s not the case but giving this a deadline helps me know that if I’ve at least made it to October of 2025, even if I quit, it’s not a failure. It’s just an experience. I’m so excited to be documenting things that I’ll be doing in order to figure out what I want to do in life.
This quarter life crisis hit me hard af. About a week before my 29th birthday I had a full blown panic attack. WHAT HAVE I ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED?!?!?! And the more I thought about it I realized that I didn’t really accomplish any goal that I had for myself when I graduated high school. I had huge dreams and haven’t done any of them. I personally feel like I wasted my twenties just existing and not actually living. So do I feel like this because I’ve actually not accomplished anything or is it a grass is greener type scenario? I don’t know but I’m hoping to find out.
For some reason, the idea of turning 30 with nothing to show feels absolutely horrific. I always thought I would make something of myself and I haven’t. And what does “make something of myself” even mean? I mean come the f*** on. Why are a lot of internal struggles based on weird, cliche concepts like “I need to figure out who I am” and “I need to love myself before I love anyone else”. Like is that really true or is it just something someone said to be profound and deep one day and it keeps getting regurgitated up like a cat hacking a hairball?
Sorry I tend to ramble so hopefully you can get use to that writing style, if not, no worries there are a million other blogs and I completely understand. I too get tired of the kindergarten scribble pattern of thoughts that is my brain. Anywayyyyssss…
If I, the World’s Biggest Procrastinator, can do it, so can you! Now is the damn time. Don’t put anything off any longer. No matter why you’re procrastinating on whatever project, dream, or ideation you have concocted in your brain, push past it. I know it’s easier said than done and if you are like me you have a million different excuses as to why you’re not at least trying shit out, just remember you are only hurting yourself. Cliches again, UGH! 😒
With love from your weird and newly motivated internet bestie,
❤️ Hailey